My issues

So someone asked me why I am always so angry and I've given some thought to it, I think its because I'm so afraid and its my defensive. I have been through alot in my life. Every time I see a hand go up out of the corner of my eye I think someone is going to hit me and it scares me. I was physically abused by mom and I had a boyfriend who would choke me out and I would pass out. Or he would throw me around. And I had another boyfriend who would belittle me, nothing I did was never enough. So when people get on my case I instantly defend myself by getting angry, this isn't the way though. I don't need to be angry, sometimes I just need to think about things for a second and run things through my head. Not everything is meant to be bad, or against me. So the next time I feel picked on I just need to relax and think about things.