My issues

So someone asked me why I am always so angry and I've given some thought to it, I think its because I'm so afraid and its my defensive. I have been through alot in my life. Every time I see a hand go up out of the corner of my eye I think someone is going to hit me and it scares me. I was physically abused by mom and I had a boyfriend who would choke me out and I would pass out. Or he would throw me around. And I had another boyfriend who would belittle me, nothing I did was never enough. So when people get on my case I instantly defend myself by getting angry, this isn't the way though. I don't need to be angry, sometimes I just need to think about things for a second and run things through my head. Not everything is meant to be bad, or against me. So the next time I feel picked on I just need to relax and think about things.

The rain comes and then it pours

So my husband and I have been seperated for about 3 weeks now and it's been really hard. Then I found out that he lost his job for throwing a football. I don't know why they fired him over that but that is really lame. Anyway then they said he quit so now they are holding his check. Our phones got turned off and I spent all of my money to get them turned back on. I have 5 dollars to last me for the next 2 weeks. Not to mention we are loosing the house cause we couldn't pay the rent and we could loose the car cause we can't afford to get it inspected and it was due in august, don't ask I don't know why it wasn't done before. Any way with everything going on, I honestly don't know how things could possibly get worse. Knock on wood. I am so depressed lately while my husband has our daughter, I can't even get out of bed. I am so deep in that I can't even manage to eat. But I know things will get better. They have too. It can only get so bad before it gets worse, Right?
Till next time....

Today is a lonely day. I have never felt so lonely, even when surrounded by friends and family. Today my husband has my little girl and it makes me sad because I miss her. She is my best pal. They are going out today and I wish I could go with them. Why do I always screw up the good things in life?

You know how people say that life will only get easier? My life isn't like that, actually its far from it. I seems like every time I finally get my life together, something else happens. I wish that life was easy, I wish life could be different, I wish that I could be the perfect person, and yet I'm not, I'm actually the farthest from it. I'm the person that if you need someone to look up to, I would be the perfect person to show what not to do! I guess it all started when I was little. I never felt like a good person. I never felt like I was good enough for my mom. She was always punishing me, physically and mentally. But my dad seemed to still love me, no matter what, but he never was around. I would pray for my dad to come home and he never did. This was what started my whole rebellious stage.
More to come.....